How to fuck cancer in 34 steps

19 Apr

1. make a guest list — invite EVERYONE

2. make sure it’s ok with your landlord

3. get a tent (that comes with a tent guy)

4. get a keg

5. lose your mind overbuying food/wine

6. decide the week before everyone arrives to paint the house, hang curtains and frame art

7. party like it’s college the night before

8. in the morning, fix the boiler…because it’s broken…and there’s no heat

9. wear a party dress and decide to go bare-headed

10. find the grill…and a propane tank…

11. hug every one of the 50+ people that comes

12. cry when your brother, who can’t come, SO thoughtfully sends you a beautiful orchid that arrives that day

13. feel so full of love at the sight of so many people you love that have come from near and far

14. admire your boyfriend’s grilling skills

15. eat and drink

16. dance with your mom

17. over-emote

18. prevent septic system from giving out

19. do not let dogs poop inside

20. dance again

21. spend a lot of time standing in the puddles under your tent which is holding up nicely against the gale force wind

22. return to dancing

23. teach me how to dougie

24. be courteous to the police officer when he arrives…he has a niece with cancer

25. hula hoop

26. dance

27. smoke inside

28. do some shouting in the kitchen

29. when you can no longer dance, go to bed, leaving your sister & co. to raid the banana cream pie leftovers

30. wake up to the tent guy

31. bagels, eggs, cream cheese, coffee

32. be so thankful for your amazing, party-elf, friends and family who really did all the work

33. appreciate your oh-so-blessed life

34. lay on the sofa

I almost certainly left some stuff out…please add/amend below.

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6 Responses to “How to fuck cancer in 34 steps”

  1. Jen April 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    Colleen, your party was truly the most fun I’ve had in a long time. It was so good to see you and all your friends and family.

    i would like to add the following (in no particular order) to the list

    35. download “brick house” for bobby because she asked for it oh so nicely several times.

    36. hand whip cream for 3 hours

    37. drunk dial friends who couldn’t make it

    38. sleep like a sardine

    39. goldschlager

  2. Erika April 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm #

    One of my favorite parties EVER!
    In no particular order:
    40. Fuck your Honda Civic. I’ve a horse outside!

  3. Tony May 1, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

    40. understand the eight blunders of life:

    1. Wealth without Work
    2. Pleasure without Friendship
    3. Knowledge without Character
    4. Commerce without Morality
    5. Science without Humanity
    6. Worship without Sacrifice
    7. Politics without Principle
    8. Rights without Responsibilities

  4. julia marko May 4, 2011 at 8:49 pm #

    (oh my god I just read this a couple weeks late…)

    41. Tell everyone, including strangers you meet at Eli Cannon’s after the Daffodil Festival, about how you had a “Fuck Cancer” party and the po-po came!

    42. Keep being awesome. I love you!

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